For years I have felt like I am not enough. Those words echo in my head more times then I can even count.

Not enough.

Do you ever feel that way too?

Did you know that Jesus used just TWO fish to feed 5,000 people? 

HE FED FIVE THOUSAND PEOPLE with TWO FISH. Crazy, right?

When I look at my skills, my ability, my education, my influence…I got less than that kid who had two fish and five loaves.  I just have the two fish.

Two fish.

“I only have two fish. Lord, it isn’t enough.” 

I have been saying that for seven months now.  He doesn’t seem to care that I don’t have enough.  Instead of seeming concerned with this point I brought up, He pointed me to Sarah who was “too old”.  Or David who “only had some stones to kill a giant”.  Or Gideon who “only had 300 people to defeat an army of 135,000 Midianites”. Or Moses who felt he was “slow to speak and not eloquent of tongue” and then God sent him to a speaking job. Ha. God, you’re funny.

Ugh.  LORD….you aren’t listening to me.   I DO NOT HAVE IT.

Doesn’t he know that to build a ship you need plans?  Oh…what is that you say?  Noah built a big old ship and God gave him the plans? And the lumber?  And Noah just needed to obey and give what he did have?

I see.

Turns out God isn’t actually concerned about what I do have or don’t have. Or what you do or don’t have. Isn’t that crazy? 

So, there you have it.  It hits me like I am a child in Sunday school learning it for the first time. With all its simplicity and complexity, all wrapped into one package: My job is to give him what I have.  That is it.  Just give it.  With joy and faith and trust in Him. 

Now we are back to my two fish. That is what I got. Two fish. No bread. Just the two fish. It isn’t enough to feed 5 people, let alone 5,000.  But that isn’t my job to worry about what He does with it.  My job is just to give it to him. 

Give what you have.

Without comparing. 

Without worry.

With trust.

With faith.

Know HE is Lord and just give what you got.

He knows you only have two fish. He isn’t worried about it. 

He just asks us to give what we have.

Period.

Sounds so easy, right? Maybe for you. Not for me. I am a little scaredy cat, cry baby. Good thing I know that God loves me as I am.

So that is my story of this blog and how it came to be. I am not a writer. I am not an expert. I am not a theologian. I have no degrees in writing or in faith. I have no influence and find that social media brings out the worst in me. But I love God with all my heart and consider Him my best friend. And He is asking me to trust HIM. I see myself as just having two fish and I am desperately trying to learn how to trust God. Not because He isn’t trust worthy. I just have trust issues. But He is patient and working with me. He gets me. He loves me. And because I know how much He loves me, I am trying to step out into obedience and trust.

Here I am.

Writing.

About faith. About life. About fear. About not feeling like I do not have enough and trusting God anyway. About trying to control things and realizing God asks us to surrender. About God who loves me like crazy…and who loves you like that too.