Loving Yourself. Is it biblical to LOVE YOURSELF?

In 2021 I was challenged to read all four or the gospels every single month. I didn’t have time to read any other parts of the Bible, as that was quite a bit of reading that year, but what I can tell you was that activity changed my faith. Jesus went from a character in history, to a real person. I watched him come alive before me. I felt him walking with me, by my side. He became so much more than God to me, he became my friend.

One of the things my friend would do was highlight certain verses for me each month. Many of the verses that he seemed to talk to me about changed each month, but there was one verse he highlighted over and over and over almost every single month that year.

“Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?”

Jesus replied, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.

A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

Matthew 22: 36-40

Growing up in church, I have heard both verses a lot.  I can’t say I have arrived at the first one, although I do try.  I spent so much of my life wondering if God is real, now I believe in him with everything I have.  When I was reading the gospels over and over, every month for one year, it wasn’t the first command that God kept highlighting for me, but the second one.

When I was growing up in church, it was taught to me like this:

First: Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Basically, God is FIRST in everything.

The second one: LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR. (period.)

I have heard a lot on loving your neighbor and what that means.  It is ALL valuable. There isn’t one thing I have heard that I would dismiss.  But when I read these verses a few months ago, it wasn’t loving your neighbor that stuck out to me.  It was like God highlighted the next part.

A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” Matthew 22: 39-40

Love your neighbor…AS YOURSELF.

As yourself.

As yourself.

As yourself.

But what if I don’t love myself?

When I read these verses again a few months ago, it dawned on me anew.  Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF.

I can’t help but ask:  What if you don’t love yourself? 

What if you don’t even like yourself? 

What if you hate yourself?…..

If I hate who I am…can I truly love my neighbor?

I remember when I was in high school, I heard the phrase for the first time “Hurt people, Hurt people.” I have seen this play out in real life. My own father was quick-witted, intelligent, a hard worker, but I would never describe him as compassionate and it was rare that he was kind. He valued intellect above the heart. He took pride in his mind and in his family, but he was definitely someone who carried a lot of pain and trauma from his own childhood with him. And he grew up in a generation when therapy wasn’t really a thing and coping with pain looked more like going to the local pub and drinking the pain away. Those of us who are therapists, psychology majors, and even those who just spend anytime reading about mental health on Instagram know that drinking away pain/trauma has yet to really work. So, my dad carried a lot of unresolved and unhealed pain, every day. When I saw the phrase “Hurt people, hurt people” for the first time, I cried. It hit. And it hit home. I saw that phrase come to life in many of my growing up years.

Long before therapy or psychology, there was Jesus. I think this is what Jesus was talking about with the command, “Love your neighbor as yourself”.  I think that he knew that if you’re hurt, and you have believed the lies spoken over you, and you carry this hurt with you and believe it to be true, it is impossible to love other people.

Psychology says we cannot love others more than we love ourselves. 

Which sounds weird.  But think of this example.

If you tell me I am really good at painting, that I have a gift, and I don’t believe that about myself, then I cannot receive that compliment from you. I say something like, “Noooo. I am terrible at art. That’s kind, but have you gotten your eyes checked recently?” And that is that. Smack The compliment falls to the floor. The love attempted to be given is not received. It really just falls to the floor. And you better believe that the giver of the compliment feels that smack down. They were vulnerable in sharing a compliment about you, they stepped out of themselves to give you a gift in that compliment, but you did not receive their vulnerability or them….you smacked it down. Not only did you not receive, you also insulted them. You, in a sense, turned it away and told them “You are crazy. You are blind.” Does this make them feel loved by you…after they have stepped into vulnerability and tried to give you the gift of a compliment? I think not. We have blocked their love, and in turn, we haven’t loved them well.

Insecurity blocks us from receiving love. We can’t receive it if we don’t believe it.

Let me say it again, just so it sinks in: if we don’t believe it about ourselves, we can’t receive it.

Insecurity blocks us from receiving love.

I ask you this: If you don’t see yourself as lovely and worthy, can you really receive the love GOD himself wants to give you?

If you don’t believe that you are lovely and worthy, how can you receive the things God wants to give you?

I used to sit in bible studies and in church and hear about God’s love, and I could believe it for others, but I couldn’t believe it for me. I didn’t know how to receive His love because deep down I believed I was unworthy. I believed the lies that were spoken over me when I was little and I took them on as my identity.

I still struggle with that feeling of unworthiness sometimes. I still struggle to believe God wants to give ME good things. In fact, many days I am tempted to reject the good things he wants to give me because I can’t believe he would want to give that to ME. Why me? Why not you? Why not that other person who seems so much more deserving than I do?

I am in a season right now where God has asked me not to work, to trust Him in this way. You would think I would be happy with this gift! I can do ANYTHING all day (until the kids get home of course), and am I receiving it with a grateful heart? No. I feel sooooo guilty. Why has he given this to me, why not you? How can I enjoy this season when there are people who have to work through their illness, or who have to work two jobs just to get food on the table? This guilt licks my face right when I wake up, like a dog begging for attention, every single day.

I am not receiving what God wants to give me. I am choosing insecurity and guilt instead of believing I am worthy of this gift, and receiving it with open arms.

Imagine how hard we make God’s desire to give us good things when every time He tries to give us something good, we smack it to the ground because we don’t believe we are worthy enough to receive it?

So I ask…can we really receive God’s love if we hate ourselves and don’t see ourselves as worthy?

But HOW do we love ourselves? What does this look like day to day? And how do l love myself without being self-involved, selfish, arrogant, or a “lover of self” (2 Timothy 3:1-2)?

This week, let’s go to God together and ask Him in prayer.

__________________________________________________________________

Lord, you are the creator of the universe, you are above all things and know all things and see all things. You are Lord of lords and the creator of every human. You made us for a special purpose on this earth and not one of us what created by accident, even if our parents called us an “accident”, we believe that you saw us before we born on this earth, that we are valuable and loved by you. Lord, you love us more than we could ever imagine. Just as an artist loves His creation. As a father loves a child.

In the same way I hate when my children tell me they are worthless or unlovable, in the same way that breaks my heart, you must hate when we say that about ourselves. You made us unique and beautiful and you want us to see that we are valuable, worthy, and loved. You want us to receive your love and believe we are worthy enough to receive it. But lord, how do we believe we are worthy, how do we love ourselves completely in this way, without becoming arrogant or a “lover of self”? We ask you to show us this. Give us a revelation of wisdom. Tell us what you want us to know about this. We ask this in Jesus name, Amen.

_____________________________________________________________

See you here next week where we will talk about how to love ourselves in order to be able to receive love…without becoming a “lover of self”.