What Is Abundant Life and How Do I Get It?

I remember her question so clearly. “If you get attacked by Satan every time that you step out for God, or every time that you even just lead a bible study, why do you keep doing it?” I was shocked by her question. I was explaining that I get migraines only on days of the week I lead bible studies. I was explaining that I believe in Satan and I think he attacks me, but also how I am trying to learn what is just flesh/life/world and…what is him. I was sharing that I did think the migraines were any attack from Satan, and that is when she asked her question. I was shocked by her question, not because it was a bad question, but because it was a good one. Why DID I keep doing this?

Today I read the verses in Luke about Peter right before he was going to deny his faith, deny knowing Jesus three times. He swore that he would NEVER do that. That he loved the Lord with everything he had. I think of Peter in this moment, because I have been there. I have been in a place where I declare my love for the Lord and feel like nothing could EVER change that love. But then something shifts….and I find myself not sitting in the love of the Lord. I find myself doubting, beating myself up, full of fear instead of love. I find myself denying my faith. Not always to others, but definitely to myself and to God.

“God, if you were real, you wouldn’t do this. God, if you were good, you wouldn’t allow this.”

Ever been there?

Today I read over those same verses I have read before and something new pops out to me,

The lord allowed Satan to sift his believers.

This rattles me.

I have relied on God for safety and comfort. I come from a family that wasn’t always safe in words or deeds, so I see the Lord as my safe place, my stronghold, my fortress, my protector. To me this is an important part of who He is. Are these not the descriptions of Him in the Bible? These are words I often whisper in my prayers to comfort me. Words I rely on. I know they are there. I know they are true. I have felt this side of Him, experienced it.

Today I mark the calendar. This month is the three year anniversary of my autoimmune disease diagnosis. Of the many things I lost over the last three years, one of them was my health; health strength, vitality. I have been in a battle to get it back, but all along I have felt this battle wasn’t just against disease. I have written again and again, I believe Satan’s fingerprints are all over death and disease.

Last month I was moved to read the book of Job and as I read, I see my life over the last five years written eerily in those pages. Although God has been gracious to me not to take away my husband, my home, or my children in a physical way…in different way he still very much took those things. He did take away wealth and health. He very much took away friends, community, and brought death of close family members. I have very much been in a season of loss. I have very much had my faith tested.

I have even had friends sit at the table with me and scoff. Much like Job, they have blamed me for my losses. Much like Job they have blamed God and asked why I stay faithful. Much like Job they have given me ideas of how to “fix” myself or the things that have gone wrong.

God whispers another truth into my heart: my faith is being tested. Or as some may say, sifted.

When those friends sat the table with me and scoffed, attempted to fix, or blamed God, one thing kept coming to my mind. Grief. I was in such grief and no one seemed to know how to handle it. I wasn’t mad at them so much as I am moved and disturbed really by our western cultures lack of ability to grieve. Both for ourselves and for each other. That we aren’t good at sitting in each other’s sorrow. It seems to me that we live in a culture that wants to fix everything and move on. Push away grief and live only in happiness and comfort.

Here's the thing though: God doesn’t want us to live ONLY in happiness and comfort. Too many times I have been sold that kind of God from pulpits only to be disappointed. After hearing those sermons I find myself leaving feeling like maybe I am not faithful enough if he isn’t giving me all I want or dream of. Maybe I haven’t prayed the right way or manifested it. That the error lies within me, God is perfect, and somehow I have messed it up.

John 10:10 says, “The thief came only to steal, kill and destroy; I came that they have life, and have it abundantly.”

This verse takes on more meaning then it ever has for me before. Satan is here to steal my health, to kill my work-life that was my passion and my love, to destroy my hope. He will try with all his might to do all these things. Like it is his job. And the Lord, he came to give us abundant life. How can these two co-exist? Where is God now? Where was God for Job?

He isn’t ignoring me, he is here. He promises to never leave me or forsake me (see Joshua 1:5), but I am reminded that he DOES indeed allow us be sifted by Satan. He lets our faith be tested so that we might be stronger.

Look at James 1:1-3

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Wait. God gives us trials….as a GIFT?! So that we may grow…and get this…that we may not be LACKING ANYTHING! Huh. So that “abundant life” in John 10:10 might not be exactly what I thought it was before…not what I have been promised from pulpits.

Abundant life in my mind used to be synonymous with health, wealth, and gain. Goodness of God used to be synonymous with my happiness. People would tell me that isn’t what the pastor or preacher meant, certainly, but somehow I always walked away with that message. However, now, I sit in years of loss, and I see a whole different viewpoint on the abundant life; it isn’t one full of wealth as much as it is one full of joy and sorrow, gain and loss, times of growth and times of celebration.

In James 1:1-3, we are promised trials so that we would be lacking nothing. Could one say that “abundant life” = “not lacking anything?”

I sit here in a season of loss. I sit here in a season of sifting. And now I know: “abundant” means ALL the things. The highs and the lows. The joy and the grief. The times of harvest AND the times of health struggles and trials.

Having sorrow makes joy brighter. Having loss makes times of gain feel richer. Having times of growth and failure makes the times of celebration and success that much sweeter.

That is an abundant life.